Driving in France

Some people think I’m crazy to come to a “foreign (as they put it) country”, rent a car, and drive around as if I know where I am going.

Let me state, firmly and at the onset, it’s pretty difficult, if not impossible, to get lost in France, even in the deepest countryside.

First of all, each road has one number associated with it. This number is posted periodically on small yellow signs along your route. So if you are on the D19, on your way to Figeac, for example, THE NUMBER NEVER CHANGES! No matter how many twists, turns, uphills, or downhills you encounter, the road is, and always will be, D19!

Unlike Seattle, Washington, where I sometimes live. And where I used to go to sleep at night, praying for divine inspiration: “Dear God in Heaven, please, PLEEE-EASE let me understand how these roads and streets work so I can actually get somewhere!”Someone somehow  had managed to convince the Powers-That-Be that a “grid system” would be the smartest system for Seattle and all the other towns and cities in Washington state.

Evidently I am not that smart.

The Seattle system is a numbered system, yes, but in their wisdom, the Street-Naming-Big-Wigs added additional directional prefixes, like, NE (North East) 272nd and suffixes, as in 272nd NE. What the #!$%&!!???! And depending on if you are physically North or South of Main Street (“Is there a Main Street anywhere around here?”), the letters CHANGE from NE to SE! Let’s add an additional level of confusion to the mix: if you are going East or West, that will determine if the PREFIX is a SUFFIX instead! (Don’t ask me; I have NEVER gotten it straight!)

Then to make matters even more confusing, when you go around a curve of ANY sort (of which there are many in the otherwise beautiful Pacific NW (See what I mean? Are we North or South of Main Street here?), due to the rolling landscape, hills, valleys and multitudes of man-made developments popping up everywhere,THE STREET NAME CHANGES!!!!!

There you are…traveling merrily along SE 272nd, for example, aiming for a destination somewhere in the area, when suddenly your route curves to the left (or right, it doesn’t matter) and the road that you started out on, in this case, SE 272nd, becomes something TOTALLY DIFFERENT! And now, not only are you NOT on SE 272nd, you are on something like 5th AVE NW, and the letters are BEHIND the number!

This is not the only confusion one must battle. In addition to the numbers, prefixes,and  suffixes, there are different classifications of roads: Streets, Roads, Avenues, and Courts, oh my! There is EVEN (I kid you not, gentle reader!) an elusive classification called STREET COURT! So let’s say someone tells you to take 272nd to your destination.There are a myriad of choices before you! Is that NE (or NW or SE or SW?) 272nd Street? Or would that be 272nd Street NE (or NW or Se or SW?) Or is it possibly NE (or SE or …are you still with me?) 272nd AVENUE or, 272nd AVENUE NW (or SW or NE or SE)? Or Court or Street Court E, SE, NW, or all, or NONE, of the above? (Are you starting to get the picture?)

Usually the person giving directions doesn’t KNOW…they just remember how they got there once before! (Sheer, blind luck, I have to imagine!)

Remember I said in France a road has ONE NUMBER associated with it? Sounds pretty simple now, doesn’t it?

It is, believe me.

Let’s say you are driving from Toulouse to some small village in the Lot Region, maybe it’s Calvignac, North of where you are…

First, find the sign that says “Toutes Directions.” No, this does not mean honk your horn. Nor is it a place where flatulence reigns supreme due to the regional dish of Cassoulet (duck with BEANS). Toutes Directions means, simply, ALL DIRECTIONS. Head that way. (I am reminded here of the vanishing Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland, who  says:”If you don’t know where you are going, it doesn’t matter which direction you go!)”

Well, I usually know where I am headed, so again, head in the “Toutes Directions” direction.

At some point you might enter a TRAFFIC CIRCLE. Traffic Circles have been around (pardon the pun!) for a long, and I mean LONG, time in Europe, as compared to, say, Seattle or other cities in the U.S., which merely seem to implement them as an afterthought or a planting bed for rather sad-looking annuals.

They are one of my favorite things about driving in here…and they make SO MUCH SENSE!!

Enter the Traffic Circle, heading always to the right, and yielding to others already in said circle. As roads branch off from the circle, each branch is CLEARLY MARKED with the name of a big town (like Paris, for instance, or Bordeaux) and some additional towns that will be coming up shortly in that particular direction. In my case, I know that Paris is North of where I plan on going, so I take the branch marked Paris. I don’t even need to know the number of the road – Haha, Seattle Street-Naming-Big-Wigs! (Sounds awfully close to Nit-Wits, doesn’t it?)

In the off-chance that I miss my Paris direction, guess what?! I can continue around the Traffic Circle 360 degrees and take another stab at it! Simple!

Or in the case of caravan-ing with another car, and perhaps the other car you are following gets to the traffic circle well ahead of you…They have LOST YOU! Oh No, NOW WHAT? (This really happens, believe me, I know this!) The leader car can tootle around the circle one, two, three, or more times until you both show up (read: catch up!). And you can both go on your merry way, caravan-style, no problem.

None of this NE Such-snd-Such Avenue or Whatever-the-Heck Street Court NW…

Besides, who among you, dear readers, is honest enough to admit the following: I always imagine, when driving to an intended destination in unfamiliar territory, merely DRIVING FORWARD feels like I am going NORTH!

Why must we confuse the already likely-confused with things like NW 272 Avenues, 1 Street SW’s,or God forbid, SW 320 Street Ct East!!!!

Just give me a “Toutes Directions”  sign, a well-marked Traffic Circle, and a car with five or six gears and I will get there, no stress!

Why not use the GPS instead, you ask? Yes, some rental cars have them, but some do not. And they are supremely better here, even if you don’t speak the language (but trust me, there are many choices of languages, not just English and Spanish!).

Even if there is NO road number on the back country, your trusty GPS will literally POINT (with AN ARROW, no less!) down the farmer’s sheep-herding route to the road you need to be on! Again, I know this from first-hand experience. Be sure to wave and smile at the farmer and his flock as you bump along the dirt track; no doubt you will make his day and you’ll be on your way! No problem!

Yes, I’ll take driving in France ANY DAY!